and who knows...

some how
this night, just might
lead us
into a place where
our emotion can grow
if we let 'em go

cuz who knows what
may happen
if we act on
our attraction and
lose ourselves
inside a world
made for us
and no one else
hey girl
just let me love yoooooou


yeah that nigga musiq is jammin!

wow...THAT escalated quickly! (c) Ron Burgandy

so how bout my week just flip-flopped gangsta-hopped from bad to good JUST that quick. from monday on i was in the MAJOR pits, but it took just a few pieces of good news to get me back on the Right Track and well on my way to having a good weekend.

~ i'm gonna be on a board of directors! i was JUST at lunch talkin to a friend abt our goals for the year, and my exact words were "i'm gonna be on SOMEBODY'S board before the end of the year. hell i mighta even typed that here once. you know i dont be payin me any attention. but yeah not even 8 hrs later i'm sittin down with the Executive Director of this org i'm a member of and he's tellin me i got nominated to be on the board! TIME FOR SOME NEW GOALS! :)

~ i'm in today's paper! okay so it's only the back of my head but its still my first time in the paper since like middle school honor roll or some shit. i was doin my daily newsreading, and i noticed they did a profile of the CDC where i got my homeownership training a few month's back. so i flip to page with the article, and the bigass picture they got in there is from MY homeownership class. with my rather large rather nappy head prominintely featured! yeaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah. i bet somebody out there right now is lookin at the paper sayin "ooh, look at the back of THAT nigga head! i wanna meet him & have his babies right now!". well maybe not but thats how i imagine it in my head so that's how it is, buster.

~ another ticket extravaganza. i'm hopin to get my hands on tickets for both the college and NBA games tomorrow, and for the John Mayer concert next friday. i'ma have to check with some folks on that though, cuz i don't know ANYBODY else around here who would go to a John Mayer concert with me. but i wanna go tho!! :(

~ Rich Boy, order dat!
cook it fresh, in da back!
Hot Fries, salt pack!
just bought a Double Stack!

THOW SOME CHEESE ON DAT B*TCH!!

lol don't mind me, i'm rich.

class last night was a dammit TRIP.

i'm talkin about an endless sequence of escalatingly weird moments.

(wow i really liked that last sentence)


okay so lets start at the beginning. i arrive for class about 15 minutes early. stop at the starbucks in the lobby, grande white mocha for me cuz its cold as shit outside and i can just be bougie like that sometimes. cool. go upstairs still early for class to try and find room 321. find it, but as i approach the door is closed. i'm not sure if they started early and i'm late, so i carefully open the door to enter. i pull the door slowly and tiptoe in and...

...there's like a 6'2" 105lb woman standing up in the middle of the class singing "his eye is on the sparrow" LOUD AS (heck?). with a captive audience of like 20ppl! i'm just lookin at people and stumblin around lookin for a desk, cuz obviously nobody else thinks its weird that this chick is STANDING UP SINGING AT THE TOP OF HER LUNGS in a classroom, so fuck it i'll roll wit'it.

so she finishes and applause is given. turns out before i walked in they were talkin about American Idol and apparently this chick tried out last year and decided to show the ol pipes? iont know. but they asked her why she didnt try out this year and she says its cuz she's under a 7 year contract from America's Next Top Model. apparently she's some sort of Reality TV SUPASTAAAAH! (c) Mary Katherine. either that or she's a fuckin liar. flip a coin.

but okay the teacher gets there and this dude is crazy as a fuck!! he was straight mean muggin and embarrasing the SHIT outta anybody who showed up after he did. his rules are no absences, no tardiness, no bathroom, no nothing but sit there and fucking listen!! All rules will be enforced!!! its hard to type out what he was like, but before the night was over he had embarrased the shit outta 3 people. i mean REALLY louded them out infront of the whole class.

i just used "embarrass the shit..." twice like nina. good luck catchin that one.

and the tall ass skinny ass model/singer chick was MURKIN some snacks the whole damn class! yo she had like 2 snickers, a big bag of m&m's, and one of them bigass blueberry muffins they sell in the previously mentioned Lobby Starbucks. i imagine her *PURGE* came soon afterward lol.

anyway that class was chock fulla comedy. i got to sit in the back and get my witty commentary on, which is ALWAYS good times.

musiq soulchild

is that dude.

there, i said it. i think i been sleepin on buddy for YEARS now, while quietly liking a GRIP of his songs. i been bumpin "who knows" for like a solid 2 weeks now. what album is that off of? i should cop it. i got the first CD and tho i don't really play it much i can say there are at least 5 songs on there i like a LOT.

so yeah, props to that cockeyed dude from philly. (redundant?)

still don't care for india dot arie though.

adidas.com is having a sale

WHY LORD WHY WON'T YOU LET ME SAVE MONEY?!?!?!

i'd rock the shit outta this hoodie


don't laugh but i want some memphis grizzlies adidas


or the white & green stan smiths!


man let me get off this site...

...

you know i've walked upon
many levels of life
i've had to take the good
with the bad
many times
i've been in situations
that made ME wanna give up!
but see
it aint what they SAY go
it's what you KNOW go.
listen to me
define your destiny
and be destined to get to your
destination
cuz aint nobody gonna look out for you
like you
talent is knowing
that with time,
your talent gets better

so understand what i say
don't let hard times stress you out forever!

i'm rich!

oooooohm, ooh da DEE doop, DEE doop

the very first tiiiiiime
that i saw your brown eyes
your lips said
HELLO.
and i said, hi.
i knew right theeen you weeere the ooooooooone
but i was CAUGHTUP.
ah.
in physical attraction
BUT. TO. MY. SATIS-FAC-TIOOOON.
baby you were moooore than juust,
a Faaaace


AAAAAAAAAND IIIIIIIF EEEYE EEEEEEEV!
(EVER FALL)
IN LOOOOVE AGAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAIN.
I WILL BE
SHOOOORE THAT, THE LAY-DEE IS, A FRIEEEEEEEEEND
AAAAAAAAAAAND IIIIIF I EEEEEV
(EVER FALL)
IN LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOVE SO TRUE
(SO TRUEEEEEEEEE)
I WILL BE
SHOOOORE THAT, THE LAY-DEE'S JUST.
LIKE YOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOU.


OH!

sunshine, rainbows, morning dew, birds chirping

4 bars of cellphone reception
ice cold beer
a brand new 50-pack of CD-Rs
nothing in my Inbox at work
a funny poast i participated in
everything in my Outbox at work
class is cancelled!
a good book
a rib dinner with beans & spaghetti
tennessee football
new badu
old badu
washing my car
riding around in my freshly washed car
with a blunt and some new badu
new shoes
a new suit
helping someone
family
jokes
love

revolutionary, scary

thought provokin' spokesman...

R.I.P. James Banger

Yesterday marked 5 years since one of the best guys I've ever known got taken away. I wanna fill this space with all sorts of platitudes about how i miss him, but i just dont have it in me.

James, you were the best Big Homie a lil dude could have, man.

**edit: found the article :(

Tech student killed in apartment ‘invasion’
By Jennifer Hinkel
News Editor
On January 18, student James Banger was shot in his Atlanta home. The assailant also opened fire on Banger’s dog. Another man in the apartment, either Banger’s roomate or a visitor, was also shot. The second victim survived the shooting. Banger was taken to a hospital; he died shortly thereafter.

Last semester was Banger’s first at Tech, where he studied Aerospace Engineering. He was enrolled in a dual degree program with Morehouse College, as well.

Atlanta Police Department Detective Walker is heading up the homicide investigation.

“It was a home invasion, basically,” said Walker. The attacker entered Banger’s southwest Atlanta apartment at 1037 Harwell Street.

A motive for the crime has not yet been determined, according to Walker. He speculates that intentions to rob the apartment or its inhabitants were likely.

Chief of the Georgia Tech Police Department Jack Vickery, although not involved in the homicide investigation, offered safety tips to students.

“Whether you live off-campus, in a home, or on-campus, you need to know who you are opening your door to and to be careful about who you invite in,” said Vickery. “If someone doesn’t look right, notify the police and have them check it out... I don’t like to be an alarmist, but I like for students to be conscious of their environment. It is better to be safe and cautious as best as you can. Whether or not those things would have made a difference in this instance, I don’t know.”

The Atlanta Police Department has a composite drawing of the suspect on-hand, although no arrests have yet been made.

okay the young fella ne-yo put his foot in this one...

i was tryin to figure out WHAT it was i didn't like about beyonce's "irreplaceable".

like, i WANTED to like it, but i couldn't. i thought the lyrics were pretty decent, the melody was great, but something kinda intangible just REALLY turned me off the song.

but now i understand what it was: this song was meant to be sung by a man.

AND KEEP TALKIN THAT MESS THAT'S FINE
BUT COULD YOU WALK & TALK AT THE SAME TIME??

woo! i'm rich!

he say / she say

~ she says she doesn't know much about my past, but i carry myself like an OG. i recognized the compliment within and accepted it.

~ he says some of my life stories sound like a "baller adventure". i agree and am kinda surprised that he listens.

~ she says she wants her son to be like me. i smile and take it as the honor i hope it was intended as.

~ he said he's proud of me, for leaving and for making something of myself. i say "i'm trying", though i felt like arguing that "i'm still the same Dre"

nobody cares. (c) Sonny

more later perhaps. right now i'm one Morose Motherfucker.

**edit

anyway. nobody cares.

maybe ppl only care to the extent that it affects THEM. the world never revolves around one person, and no other person's world will ever revolve around you. they say you can't love someone until you learn to love yourself. they were right. no one will ever love you more than yourself. well maybe ya momma but she gave birth to you and she's the only one that'll EVER be able to say she gave birth to you so how about we just count that as a special exception. to everyone else tho, nobody cares. fellas, that girl only loves you as long as you say and do the right things, make her feel good and pretty and Womanly. listen to her problems as if they were your own. dickerdown all night long. fail to do one or more things for any extended period of time and be prepared to see that "love" manifest itself for what it really is. ladies that fella only loves you as long as you keep him full. bring him his beer while its cold. deal with his mood swings no matter how often. keep it hot & wet and make sure dinner is ready. fail to hold ya man up properly, and don't be surprised if he's shoppin for a new model. why is it like this, you ask?

cuz nobody cares.

your friends think you're funny. you're always the funniest one in the room, and the life of the party. folks even memorize old jokes on some "remember that time you said '______'? boy you so crazy!" but guess what? don't you dare drop the funnyman routine, lest you find out who your real friends are. try to get some advice, or get a problem off your chest, or just generally be in a justifiable bad mood and see what happens. all of a sudden folks are busy, or they don't wanna hear it, or its "why you gettin all SERIOUS all of a sudden??". think about the people you're around on the regular, your closest circle. and think about who was there when you REALLY needed a friend. nobody? just as i thought. and i don't even mean heavy favors like "aye man come to the top floor of my hotel to stop me from jumpin off" or "aye my nigga loan me $1500 till tax season 2008". i mean when you just need someone to talk to, someone to listen. someone you could depend on. and if you're like me and you usually handle those types of situations alone, think of why you feel that way. think of why there's no one you feel you can trust with those types of things. know what the answer is?

cuz nobody cares.

lol @ you thinking ppl at your job care. they dont care about your sickness, unless its contagious. they don't care what's going on with your kids' babysitter, unless their kids go there too. they don't care that you're taking classes at night in addition to bustin your ass at work during the day, just have them fuckin reports done by friday at 3, okay? yeah they come by your cubicle and they ooh and aah at your pics or laugh about that email you sent them or ask you if you've got a significant other, but you best believe by 4:45 them mofoes have totally forgotten about yo ass and their only concern is gettin home and poppin that Marie Callendar in the microwave quick enough to be settled by the time Wheel of Fortune comes on.

cuz nobody cares.

listo

~ i still feel REALLY bad about the death of james brown. not that he wasn't an old man or anything, but i think i really looked up to that cat. i'm still jammin his music and pourin out dranks for him. us May 3rd babies gotta stick together i guess

~ "nobody cares" (c) sonny

~ i'm a quiet kinda guy. i'm the guy that comes around, kind of peeps the scenery, and just sits in the corner observing everything and everybody. but sometimes i wanna be The Man. sometimes i wanna be the guy that walks in the door and everybody knows him. i want everybody to look to me for whats cool and whats not. if a joke is told, i want folks lookin at me to see if i laugh before they decide if it was funny or not. lol as i type this i take all this shit back, cuz it sounds like some shit Usher or somebody would say. egomania is NOT a good look on me.

~ actually i'm pretty sure "listo" is the spanish word for "ready". no idea what the spanish word for "list" is.

~ i been smokin too much lately. tobacco and Wacky Tobacco alike. a product of the stressful times? iont know, but i been lookin into active ways to quit. that patch shit aint workin my brain is too strong to be psyched out.

~ my phone doesn't ring anymore! unless its dward and thats kinda rare. my emails are now mostly horoscopes (which i'm about to drop), facebook notifications, airtran sales, and Tracy's Daily Insult. i need to make friends. of course, in order to do that, i need to leave the house during the Social Hours. first things first.

~ actually tracy's been rather not-mean to me for the past day or so. she better stop before i start liking it. plus i'm pretty sure that would cause a rip in space-time or somethin like that.

~ i'ma hold off on reading her blog. she told me i could, just not to "hold it against her". sounds like a replay of "the notebook incident" waiting to happen.

~ no really, what's the spanish word for "list"? i'm bout to go to freetranslations dot com on y'all asses.

~ i been wantin a new car lately, knowin damn well that 1) i cant afford it, and 2) it really shouldnt be anywhere near the top of my priorities list.

~ folks have got me seriously thinkin about what my first post-graduation move is gonna be. do i move? back to atlanta? do i try to make a big ass splash here in memphis? i say and feel like i'ma be here for a while, but if you know me you know that i pretty much look at career as only a small piece of my full life plan. family is the much larger piece. so if by the time i'm ready to be a mover and a shaker, if i dont have my family started, or at least have an idea of where i'm goin in that arena, i might just say "fuck it" and start travellin the world and shit.

~ oh shit, freetranslation says it's "lista". what a gypp.

~ i hate every single fucking one of my coworkers. and for no particular good reason. lol i heard 'thru the grapevine' that folks here think i'm stuck up. fuck 'em i'll be dat den!

~ i'm pretty much in the pits. usually when i'm in the pits, i can count on myself to burn a CD of just the perfect mix of just the perfect songs to help lift, ease, or magnify my mood. catharsis, motherfucker. lately i just can't put that CD together tho. maybe this time is different?

~ fuck it, i'm rich.

i loves this verse

i'm likin how kanye littered his verse with magazine titles and still made it make sense. pretty durn clever.



I'm gettin SPIN's all day in L.A....
now we can go to the D where Dwele dwells
D.C., P.G. or ATL
Back in the Chi, means MY LIFE like the magazine
HONEY wanna know the DETAILS
about my EBONY, well that's XXL
as far as the PENTHOUSE, yeah that's UPSCALE
MADEMOISELLE, gotta helluva BLACK TAIL
I'm feelin her VIBE, her BODY & SOUL
I heard she stay in a METROPOLITAN HOME
well let's kill all the poly'in
I'll offer you a COSMOPOLITAN
let's JET out the club, get some OXYGEN
ya friends claim i'm a PLAYER you'll be lucky to keep me
but you know people gon be talkin bout US WEEKLY
my car be, in the ROBB-er-RE-PORT
but what's more important to me is that you...

open your ears...

hip hop advice to the wimmens part deux

this one reaches out to the ladyfolks in reference to taking Relationship Advice from your single, bitter, potentially bisexual girlfriends:

"You and yo nigga shit shaky,
and at the time ya heart
fell down and broke like Achy Breaky.
Lump in ya throat,
felt like a trache-0-dummy (i love that line)
the pain thats in ya chest
done made its way down to ya tummy.
You wide open, you start smokin with ya girl
she nigga bashin, sayin, "you dont need him in yo world
Niggas all dogs."
If niggas all dogs...
then what you call broads?
Felines in heat? Meowin for some yarn balls?
Now you & her done got to drankin
Oh now its REALLY crunk, cuz y'all SILLY drunk
and ya girl done got to thankin
she tawmbout "girl you look so beautiful"
you say "thank you", being nice
you try to change the subject,
"want some beans & rice?"
But she's back at ya like a Pit,
mixed with a Chihuahua
how much meaner can ya get?
don't let her have her way with you
she's bout to have a FIT
you're the candy apple of her eye
and bout to get BIT.
Here's what you do, you...
Grab her by ner neck
Throw her on the wall
Say "Bitch don't eva disrespect me,
Neva, not at all!"
These simple words will put a pause
to half of the applause
Then blackball, laws of balance
at all cost...."

Andre 3000 - "Mamacita"

friends don't let friends blog angry.

~ so it seems that so far 2007 is only bringing endings, no new beginnings. here's to hoping i have the sight and wisdom within to learn something from all of this.

~ yesterday was such a nice day for a change. from sleeping in, to lounging around in a cloud of smoke, to my uncle's VERY nice brunch, to he & his wife's special announcement, i had a good Sunday.

~ i can't believe she accused me of cheatin man. or even sleepin around in general. i'm just amazed. in awe, even. cuz that took BALLS. condom inventory and myspace comments be damned.

~ i think this all boils back down to my theory of "unbalanced expectations". i appreciate all she tried to be & do for me, but quite frankly it wasn't what i asked. the things i asked her for are much less strenuous and worrisome than the things she chose to try to "be" for me. this me feeling unfulfilled at times, and her feeling like she "went out of her way" only to feel unappreciated. say lah vee nigga.

~ it's funny how it works. when she goes out of her way to be overly affectionate and "sweet" i take pause, because, being strong believer in "actions speak louder than words", i feel like her deeds contradict that.

BUT

~ when she goes out of her way to be mean and accusatory, i dont worry, because again, actions speak louder than words, and i know she doesnt mean it. well, at least i hope she doesnt.

~ the former engineer in me figures that there HAS to be some kinda formula to work this mess out. there has to be a way for the units of Bad done to cancel out the units of Good done so that we end up with 1. BUT i can't figure it out for shit, probably why i'm a former engineer.

AN-T-WAY! no angry blogs!

~ i'm gonna go back to the old plan of "gettin involved in too many groups and clubs to notice the fact that u aint got no lady". so far i plan to ramp up my activity with mpact, join the urban league and start volunteerin there, do an hour tutoring each week, and maybe one more thing. that combined with school, work, and ldrship memphis should keep me runnin round enough to be effective. although if y0u ask a certain somebody i already got plenty pussy around town so maybe i should just....

...no angry blogs!

~ i need a new TREO somethin awful. the case is holdin this one together, but the truth is i've dropped it too many times and now i can't even get to versamail on there. luckily i can still recieve my gmail on the phone, but i'ma need a new one by the time the semester starts or i'm gon be stuck tryin to recieve my university email.

~ i'm not really interested in gettin a new girl / datin / fuckbuddyin / any of that, but i DO think i wanna have a date for valentines day. i just realized its been YEARS since i got my Mid-February Romance on. normal procedure prolly woulda been to call the ex and try to get a date, but that's lookin hella out of the picture now. (look! i said 'hella'!)

~ this clip just killt me: http://video.nbc4.com/v/?linkId=35533#

more later, perhaps.

a lighthearted, yet relevant, anecdote.

so basically
it seems that all of my life, i've had this policy
of NOT defending myself of false sexual accusations
and believe it or not, it happens. (stfu trace)

case in point, and where this all started...

i was in sixth grade, and some how i ended up with Tia Issac as my girlfriend
one of my first girlfriends too, although i can't remember who was first

(sad tho, cuz i can remember ODBs "Return to the 36 Chambers" was my favorite CD that year, just goes to show that music takes precedence)

but anyway, tia was like the class ho
excuse me for sayin that, but she was
she already had a kid, and had just lost her 2nd baby
by the time she got around to me
keep in mind we were in the 6th grade

now hot 6th grader sex
may be no big deal in the oh seven
but back in them days
we aint know shit bout that
matter fact, only reason tia was gettin dicked down
was cuz she fooled with HS cats on the reg

but i'm gettin sidetracked

iont know what ol girl saw in me
when she cornered me by the fence by the bustop
and asked me to ask her to go with her
but i was green, and i was game
and i had a girlfriend.

only prollem is...she expected me to put out!
she was gettin sexed on the regular man!
now i'm her man and its my responsibility!
only prollem is, lol, i was SCARED AS HELL.

so anyway over the course of the lil two weeks we were together
she was comin on super strong
gettin me alone in the hallways durin class
pullin her titties out
tryin to pull me in the bathroom and take care of biz
but i was shook, and i always found a way (even if herbish)
of gettin out of "puttin out" (i like sayin that)
yeah i was lame, sue me.

but anyway, i guess at some point in time the lady
just got tired of all that bullshit
or maybe her folks started askin her what the deal was with me
cuz she pretty soon got to spreadin it around campus that i was puttin it down
not only puttin it down, but puttin it DOWN!
i found this out when my homeboy
pulled me to the side in art class
and was like "YO WHY U AINT TELL ME U WAS HITTIN TIA OFF MAN!!!"
and i was like "aww...well u know."
knowin damn well that i aint know shit

now i'm sure this is unfair to the ladies
and all that gender roles sexism blah blah blue
but havin that rumor circulate about me
did WONDERS for my lil 6th grade rep
not only was i one of the few cats havin sex
i was bangin down the "baddest broad" in our class
who usually only messed with high schoolers
so i was the man, right?

only, i never touched her.

did i lie abt it? no.
but did i continue to let all the fellas think i was The Black Mack?
u can bet ur sweet ass i did!

lol either way it was like 3 mo years before i actually lost it
but in that time in between i got plenty props and plenty opportunities
and i owe it all to tia

lol that story was pointless.

HelloWorld.exe

a.k.a. New Beginnings
a.k.a. Fresh Starts
a.k.a. WTF happened?


2007 hasn't gotten off to such a great start so far. From swimmin in liquor on NYE, to the subsequent hangover of 01/01/07, to The Tanya Controversy that has all my friends talking, to being late to work every day so far this year...i haven't quite been at my best.

luckily the year is young, and i have time to change all of that.

in 2007, like in 2006, i hope for:
stability
respect
progress

those are simple and sufficiently vague desires, no?

stability and respect were the two things i feel i missed out on the most in 2006. and i'm NOT just speaking about my love life, for those of u who have been keeping up. progress was present, but more so in spirit/appearance than tangible progress. basically, i'm moving in a better circle these days, but i still aint callin no shots.

all in all, 2006 was a good year. thats going on the measuring stick of "Did you live through this year?". to which the answer is, thankfully, yes. but i guess the more things change for me, the more i should change my expectations. maybe just livin aint enough anymore. i'm no longer quite as close to being swallowed up by the ubiquitous "street life" that used to worry me so much. i've got dependable transportation, gainful employment, even a bank account or two.

perhaps its finally time to have that funeral for old "illegal".

but on the other hand, maybe i'm just a lil bit afraid of where progress is taking me. i dont wanna be one of these clowns who won't befriend someone unless they have a bachelor's degree. who log onto hotghettomess and laugh at the sista with the blonde bob, while they're scheduling their beauty shop appointment to keep their hair "corporate compliant". who meet a woman at First Friday's, fall in love and get married, only to find out y'all can't have no kids right now, cuz wifey's on track to become senior management within 2 years so fuck that.

in other words, i still don't wanna become one of THEM.

so how does that happen? how does illegal live yet Andre flourishes in the corporate/politcal/social world? how do i pull that off?

i guess it's time to update that list.

for 2007 i hope for:
stability
respect
progress, and
balance

hip hop advice to the wimmens

lol this is somethin i may start doin on a semi-regular basis.

on my most recent road trip, on more than one occasion my playlist came to a song where a rapper was giving "advice" to women (or bitches, hoes, hot gurlz, whatever) on what to do to get & keep a man. see, ladies...hip hop DOES love women!

sometimes the advice was comical, sometimes it's dead-on. i'll let you decide which is which.

the first entry comes from Baton Rouge, Louisiana's favorite son, Lil Boosie:

I used to mess wit lil girls, wit lil minds
who wasn't grown yet
before you wear a thong
get yo pussy in check!
yo hygiene a mothafucka
you 'sposed to STAY smellin right
specially if you got a nigga wit money
that's what they like!

Lil Boosie - Exciting


the moral: women, keep that thang clean!