"never underestimate the power of a sincere apology"

a friend wrote that recently, and i believe that is 100% true...

but, WHERE MINE'S AT?!?!?

i think that's what i've been missing this whole time: sincerity. all i've been gettin from people is a bunch of tellin me what they think i wanna hear, or what they think will get the proper reaction from me. and it makes me mad, cuz like i said before, i see straight through it.

i guess you can't expect sincerity from people that aren't genuine though. i'm gettin sick of the petty shit, too.

*pause* i just gave a friend some good advice...glad to know i'm still good for somethin!

*unpause*

but yeah, i said somethin before that i'd like to revisit

nice guys finish last

i really meant that shit. and i don't know whats gonna happen to me. i hate feelin like i gotta leave all that happy shit behind and go back to "old andre" but try as i might i can't see myself puttin myself out there for ppl anymore. where are all the good people at? EVERYBODY complains that they've been done wrong, but where are the people who are actually tryin to do RIGHT?? funny, i never meet them. everybody's got a fuckin excuse as to why they fucked you over. maybe its time to join the club.

and now for a complete 180....i still want my family. my wifey and 3-5 kids. but i keep tellin myself that if i really wanted to make that happen, that i'd have to get started sometime soon! my prospective babies mommas keep bailin on me tho! fuck that tho i still think i'd make a great father.

does that mean my biological clock is ticking?

*pause* wow i just IMed ol girl and she igged the shit outta me. fuggit. *unpause*

i was REALLY mean to a girl this past weekend, which let me know i'm not really ready yet. OR maybe it means my pimpin' is back, and i AM ready (to do all the wrong things). who knows? hell, i got enough friends tho.

No Casual Sex! i'm better than that, yo.

the ladies be lookin SO GOOD, tho. haha, luckily my angst is stronger than any lust i could conjure up.

i'm lonely.

me & nat were having one of our usual "fuck love" IM conversations today. i told her i no longer believe in soulmates. if she exists, my soulmate prolly somewhere right now pregnant by another dude. thats how it works, i think, i'm just destined to take L's in that department. it's fucked up cuz i think of all the other shit i go through. take for instance that post i put up earlier today about my job. there are 1000 different things that i do half-assed, but i seem to fuckin excel at that shit. i can half ass at work and get praise and a promotion. i can half ass when i'm volunteering and the kids will cry when i leave and write me letters. i can half ass in school and still pull decent grades. but the ONE thing that i've taken time to REALLY improve at, to REALLY put my all into, mind body & soul, and i can't get that shit right for nothin.

nice guys finish last.